The butcher, the baker...

...I don't know any candle makers...but if I did, they would probably try to speak English with me too. Grrrr....

Picture little old me (minding my own business of course!) trying to pass as a German in our neighborhood supermarket -- holding my cloth bag, carrying only what I can easily transport on foot and will be consuming in the next 4 hours, standing 2 cm away from the next person in line, willing to push if necessary etc.

I approach the meat counter hoping to buy my 327 grams of ground beef and be on my way.

Below the original transcript:

Butcher: "Bitte schön."
(What'll it be?)

Me (In immaculate German): Grüss Gott. 300 Gramm Hackfleisch bitte, wenn genügend da ist.
(300 grams of ground beef please, if you have that much.)

Butcher (In English): "There is enough."

I look interested in a flyer lying on the meat counter and ignore the fact that he has acknowledged my English accent.

The butcher points to another pile of store flyers and says in English: "This is next week letter."

Me: "Danke."
Steam is rising up through my body and has almost reached my head now. I'm seriously wondering if this guy actually thinks his English is better than MY German.

Me (In my best "Oh-now-I-understand" tone): Sie wollen Ihr Englisch üben.
(You're trying to practice your English.)

Butcher (In English): "No, no. I just try to be helpful."

Now the steam is billowing out of my head. I'm thinking: Did I ask... for "help"?
"Oh, m-hmmm. Ich spreche Deutsch, wissen Sie?"
(Oh, m-hmmm. I speak German you know.)

Scale shows 328 grams. Butcher (In English): "Any more?"

Me: "Nein, passt schon."
(No, that's fine.)

Butcher (Still in English): "Finished?"

Me (I'm not giving up, damn it!): JA!

Butcher hands me the ground beef, leans over the counter and speaks as if he were recording the accompanying audio tapes to "Teach Yourself German: The Ultimate Beginners Course" Lesson #3 "Saying Goodbye": A-u-u-f-ff-fff W-iee-d-eee-r-see-e-he-en. Scchhh-öö-n-e-ee-eees Wo-ooc-h-eee-en-n-dee-ee
(Go-o-o-o-od By-e-e-ee. Ha-aa-vv-ee-e a nice we-e-e-e-eke-e-end.)

As I'm walking away, I hear the butcher address the next customer in line:
"Servus, was kriegst'n?"

Flo says I should go back and talk Bayerisch with him. Yeah, I'll show him who's boss. Next week would be a good opportunity for that when Wammerl goes on sale for 0,59 cents/100 grams.

I'm afraid though that it would probably go something like this:

Me : Daan Sie mia a hoiwades Pfund Hack geb'n?

Butcher: I'm sorry, what was that?

Me: I kriegerd a hoiwades Pfund Hack. Biddschee.

Butcher: Sorry, still didn't catch that.

Me: Oh, &@# it! Just gimme some ground beef!

After I left the grocery store tonight, completely irritated, I had flashback to a similar incident when I was first studying in Munich NINE years ago. I ordered a Laugensemmel on the second day in Munich and the baker started talking to me in English. Some things never change!

So go on...bring on those candle makers!