To Erwin...

Last night I went to hear David Sedaris read from his new book at the Literaturhaus.

My rhubarb princess organized the tickets and surprised me with an early birthday present - a copy of Sedaris's new book, "When you are engulfed in flames", and a 30 oz can of Libbys Pumpkin in a can. Both would good presents on their own, but together they are absolutely amazing! Thank you!

After the reading I got in line to get my book signed. The guy in front of me asked David Sedaris to sign his book "to my special freak", so I didn't feel too weird about asking him to write it "To Erwin..." It was a good way to get the conversation started. I told him how Germans call me Erwin, but my real name is Erin. He laughed! We talked about expatriate pissing contests and how just recently a butcher tried speaking English to me (See previous post). Living in France, he could totally sympathize. He said, "That happens to me sometimes too. I just want to say them 'F--- YOU. F- - - YOU!!!"

Afterwards the rhubarb princess said, "You do realize he ended the conversation by telling you to F---- off!?"

"Yeah", I replied. "I think he really liked me!"

The butcher, the baker...

...I don't know any candle makers...but if I did, they would probably try to speak English with me too. Grrrr....

Picture little old me (minding my own business of course!) trying to pass as a German in our neighborhood supermarket -- holding my cloth bag, carrying only what I can easily transport on foot and will be consuming in the next 4 hours, standing 2 cm away from the next person in line, willing to push if necessary etc.

I approach the meat counter hoping to buy my 327 grams of ground beef and be on my way.

Below the original transcript:

Butcher: "Bitte schön."
(What'll it be?)

Me (In immaculate German): Grüss Gott. 300 Gramm Hackfleisch bitte, wenn genügend da ist.
(300 grams of ground beef please, if you have that much.)

Butcher (In English): "There is enough."

I look interested in a flyer lying on the meat counter and ignore the fact that he has acknowledged my English accent.

The butcher points to another pile of store flyers and says in English: "This is next week letter."

Me: "Danke."
Steam is rising up through my body and has almost reached my head now. I'm seriously wondering if this guy actually thinks his English is better than MY German.

Me (In my best "Oh-now-I-understand" tone): Sie wollen Ihr Englisch üben.
(You're trying to practice your English.)

Butcher (In English): "No, no. I just try to be helpful."

Now the steam is billowing out of my head. I'm thinking: Did I ask... for "help"?
"Oh, m-hmmm. Ich spreche Deutsch, wissen Sie?"
(Oh, m-hmmm. I speak German you know.)

Scale shows 328 grams. Butcher (In English): "Any more?"

Me: "Nein, passt schon."
(No, that's fine.)

Butcher (Still in English): "Finished?"

Me (I'm not giving up, damn it!): JA!

Butcher hands me the ground beef, leans over the counter and speaks as if he were recording the accompanying audio tapes to "Teach Yourself German: The Ultimate Beginners Course" Lesson #3 "Saying Goodbye": A-u-u-f-ff-fff W-iee-d-eee-r-see-e-he-en. Scchhh-öö-n-e-ee-eees Wo-ooc-h-eee-en-n-dee-ee
(Go-o-o-o-od By-e-e-ee. Ha-aa-vv-ee-e a nice we-e-e-e-eke-e-end.)

As I'm walking away, I hear the butcher address the next customer in line:
"Servus, was kriegst'n?"

Flo says I should go back and talk Bayerisch with him. Yeah, I'll show him who's boss. Next week would be a good opportunity for that when Wammerl goes on sale for 0,59 cents/100 grams.

I'm afraid though that it would probably go something like this:

Me : Daan Sie mia a hoiwades Pfund Hack geb'n?

Butcher: I'm sorry, what was that?

Me: I kriegerd a hoiwades Pfund Hack. Biddschee.

Butcher: Sorry, still didn't catch that.

Me: Oh, &@# it! Just gimme some ground beef!

After I left the grocery store tonight, completely irritated, I had flashback to a similar incident when I was first studying in Munich NINE years ago. I ordered a Laugensemmel on the second day in Munich and the baker started talking to me in English. Some things never change!

So go on...bring on those candle makers!

Erwin's back...

... from outerspace! Well, uh, at least from the two ends of the universe - Los Angeles and the Uckermark.

Thanks Lisa for sending me this picture of Erwin Orchards in Michigan and getting me blogging again. I've gathered some good material in the past few weeks on gugelhupfs, eldery counts who might be stalking me and supermarket grand openings as Friday night entertainment...Stay tuned!

Aunt Erwin

It sounds a little funny, but it's true.

As of 5:12 a.m. this morning, I've become an Aunt once again! Welcome to the world Connor Thomas! (The stats: 8 lbs 2 oz, 20.5 in, 10 fingers, 10 toes)

Maybe when you're a little older I'll tell you why your Aunt is named Erwin and your Uncle is named Flo. Ha!

Lookie there!

...an Erwin!


My American friend Erin (who lives in Munich and is technically like me an "Erwin"), was recently featured in this picture in the "Picture" (Germany's loveable tabloid). She had just attended Stoiber's (loveable Bavarian politician) son's wedding last weekend.

I have no idea who the other people in the picture are...

"Make like a tree and get outta here"

Thanks to my informant Fabian for providing the tip that someone on the 4th floor is poking fun at the name Erwin. (That was supposed to be my job!)

An exotic, leafy palm named Erwin. Okay, I can see the irony there.

But maybe Fabian our new doctor of philosophy can riddle me this: Why?

These are a few of my favorite things!

Just brought back the following favorite things from the States in no particular order. I unfortunately couldn't get the "whiskers on kittens" past customs...

Sound of Music - 40th anniversary DVD
Canadian Maple Syrup
Jalapeños in a can
Jiffy Corn Muffin Mix
Kraft Mac'n'Cheese
Libby's Pumpkin in a Can
Pure Vanilla Extract
Taco Seasoning
Tabasco Sauce
Marshmallows
Instant Oatmeal Maple & Brown Sugar

This reminds me: Only one more packet of oatmeal left! I've been making it at the office and have had to do a lot of aufklaerungsarbeit (awareness training) with my colleagues. Besides the ever-popular "what is THAT?", some reactions have included....

"Does it smell like curry in here?" (matthias p AND matthias v on seperate occasions)
"Maple Syrup and Brown Sugar, that's a weird combination." (bernhard)
"Who's having beef bouillon?" (andreas)