Pear in a bottle

The Christmas gift that got the most "ooohs" and "aahhhs" this year was hands down the Williams Pear Schnapps Flo gave my dad.

There is an actual pear in the bottle - doing the backstroke in all that yummy schnapps. I told everyone Flo had tried to pull my leg by saying that the pear is grown in the bottle. "I'm not that gullible - I didn't fall for it!" I said proudly. Needless to say, they got a good laugh out of that.

But, the question of how the pear got into the bottle would not let my dad rest. A few days later he swore he saw a TV show about growing pears in bottles in Michigan. Yeah right, I thought. Now, I was convinced HE was trying to pull my leg!

We finally turned to the all-knowing oracle commonly know as google to solve this mystery. Lo and behold, the pear does grow in the bottle. Who would have thought?

The Butcher...continued

I've been shopping at our new Edeka practically every day lately, ever since I started eating more fresh vegetables. I walk to the supermarket my own shopping basket in hand, ready to fill it with 0,2 liter bottles of diet coke, single portions of yogurt and mini-sized bags of müsli.

As much as I love shopping there, I'm still afraid I might run into my butcher "friend". I have, however, devised a strategy. I duck into the last aisle before the meat counter, pretend like I'm perusing Magi instant pork roast sauces while non-chalantely peering over the top rack to "assess the situation".

I actually haven't seen him in quite a while. I'm wondering if he is taking an intensive language course in Malta or has been transferred to an affliated store in Newcastle. Or maybe he just got fired, because his English wasn't good enough. I guess I will never know.

Crying at Elixia

I saw you crying...
I saw you crying, at El-ix-ia

My New Year's Resolution is to STOP crying at my Elixia gym!

I admit, it's not your usual, run-of-the-mill sort of resolution like "Lose 15 lbs" or "Stop biting fingernails". (I'll take those too, please!)

I have gotten teary eyed a total of three times now at the gym while working out on the eliptical cross trainer. It was level 6, fat burner program - to be specific. And I wasn't crying because I "was feeling the burn"!

My three Hysterical moments came while watching the following on TV:

3. CNN's coverage of USAir's 1549 landing in the Hudson River. Any mention of "hero" just pushed me over the edge.

2. Wolfskinder: A documentary about a German family who fled from the Russians during the war. One of the brothers, who was like 3 years old, got seperated from the others and lived as a wolf-child in the woods before finding a adoptive family in Latvia. The other brothers and sisters lived in Germany and never knew what became of their younger brother. Years went by. The missing brother had always thought he was German and was on a documentary about Wolfskinder looking for his lost relatives. It was extremely difficult, because he wasn't even sure of his German name and he didn't have any papers. To make a long story short, the German siblings saw this on TV and they were all reunited some 50 years later. Tears of joy!

1. President Obama and the first lady walking towards Pennsylvania Avenue on Inauguration Day. What a moment!

As I walked back from the gym last night after Hysterical Moment #1, I felt so much pride in my country and was basking in the glow of this "hystorical" moment. I thought I would find Flo basking as well, but instead he was as he called it "setting priorities" which included playing a song entiteled "Suck My Kiss" on Guitar Hero. Ha!

Erwin Update...

Speaking of butchers...I almost forgot about writing a follow-up about Erwin, the green leafy plant... (See post from July 30, 2008)

After some investigation, I found out that it was named after a butcher(!) that ran the cafeteria for a short time in our office. Apparently, the plant reminded the consultants of that handsome, sensitive man! Go figure!

To Erwin...

Last night I went to hear David Sedaris read from his new book at the Literaturhaus.

My rhubarb princess organized the tickets and surprised me with an early birthday present - a copy of Sedaris's new book, "When you are engulfed in flames", and a 30 oz can of Libbys Pumpkin in a can. Both would good presents on their own, but together they are absolutely amazing! Thank you!

After the reading I got in line to get my book signed. The guy in front of me asked David Sedaris to sign his book "to my special freak", so I didn't feel too weird about asking him to write it "To Erwin..." It was a good way to get the conversation started. I told him how Germans call me Erwin, but my real name is Erin. He laughed! We talked about expatriate pissing contests and how just recently a butcher tried speaking English to me (See previous post). Living in France, he could totally sympathize. He said, "That happens to me sometimes too. I just want to say them 'F--- YOU. F- - - YOU!!!"

Afterwards the rhubarb princess said, "You do realize he ended the conversation by telling you to F---- off!?"

"Yeah", I replied. "I think he really liked me!"

The butcher, the baker...

...I don't know any candle makers...but if I did, they would probably try to speak English with me too. Grrrr....

Picture little old me (minding my own business of course!) trying to pass as a German in our neighborhood supermarket -- holding my cloth bag, carrying only what I can easily transport on foot and will be consuming in the next 4 hours, standing 2 cm away from the next person in line, willing to push if necessary etc.

I approach the meat counter hoping to buy my 327 grams of ground beef and be on my way.

Below the original transcript:

Butcher: "Bitte schön."
(What'll it be?)

Me (In immaculate German): Grüss Gott. 300 Gramm Hackfleisch bitte, wenn genügend da ist.
(300 grams of ground beef please, if you have that much.)

Butcher (In English): "There is enough."

I look interested in a flyer lying on the meat counter and ignore the fact that he has acknowledged my English accent.

The butcher points to another pile of store flyers and says in English: "This is next week letter."

Me: "Danke."
Steam is rising up through my body and has almost reached my head now. I'm seriously wondering if this guy actually thinks his English is better than MY German.

Me (In my best "Oh-now-I-understand" tone): Sie wollen Ihr Englisch üben.
(You're trying to practice your English.)

Butcher (In English): "No, no. I just try to be helpful."

Now the steam is billowing out of my head. I'm thinking: Did I ask... for "help"?
"Oh, m-hmmm. Ich spreche Deutsch, wissen Sie?"
(Oh, m-hmmm. I speak German you know.)

Scale shows 328 grams. Butcher (In English): "Any more?"

Me: "Nein, passt schon."
(No, that's fine.)

Butcher (Still in English): "Finished?"

Me (I'm not giving up, damn it!): JA!

Butcher hands me the ground beef, leans over the counter and speaks as if he were recording the accompanying audio tapes to "Teach Yourself German: The Ultimate Beginners Course" Lesson #3 "Saying Goodbye": A-u-u-f-ff-fff W-iee-d-eee-r-see-e-he-en. Scchhh-öö-n-e-ee-eees Wo-ooc-h-eee-en-n-dee-ee
(Go-o-o-o-od By-e-e-ee. Ha-aa-vv-ee-e a nice we-e-e-e-eke-e-end.)

As I'm walking away, I hear the butcher address the next customer in line:
"Servus, was kriegst'n?"

Flo says I should go back and talk Bayerisch with him. Yeah, I'll show him who's boss. Next week would be a good opportunity for that when Wammerl goes on sale for 0,59 cents/100 grams.

I'm afraid though that it would probably go something like this:

Me : Daan Sie mia a hoiwades Pfund Hack geb'n?

Butcher: I'm sorry, what was that?

Me: I kriegerd a hoiwades Pfund Hack. Biddschee.

Butcher: Sorry, still didn't catch that.

Me: Oh, &@# it! Just gimme some ground beef!

After I left the grocery store tonight, completely irritated, I had flashback to a similar incident when I was first studying in Munich NINE years ago. I ordered a Laugensemmel on the second day in Munich and the baker started talking to me in English. Some things never change!

So go on...bring on those candle makers!

Erwin's back...

... from outerspace! Well, uh, at least from the two ends of the universe - Los Angeles and the Uckermark.

Thanks Lisa for sending me this picture of Erwin Orchards in Michigan and getting me blogging again. I've gathered some good material in the past few weeks on gugelhupfs, eldery counts who might be stalking me and supermarket grand openings as Friday night entertainment...Stay tuned!